I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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