Your tits are I can't wait for
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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