When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
