Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
