its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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