You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
