I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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