remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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