I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
