everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
