So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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