i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk is not a location!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
