Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
