I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
