You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
