Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize