Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
