She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
