it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
