Even the bartender felt bad for me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
