I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I could fuck to npr.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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