I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
