What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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