Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
