It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
