I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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