At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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