His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
