my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
