Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
