sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
