Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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