the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
