Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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