i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
