I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
