I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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