So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize