You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
