i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
