i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
