I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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