I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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