i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
