I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
