Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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