I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
