Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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