its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
