He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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