Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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