I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
