She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
