Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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