Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
