Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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