why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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