i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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