Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
