TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
