i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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