so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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