After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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