I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize