Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
