I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
