Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
