just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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