That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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