if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
