If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
wow bdsm is so cute
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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