The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
